Looking for a grown-up job is as scary as it is exciting. In a perfect world, you start by handing your resume to some influential hands, hoping for an “in” to the company of your dreams. If that isn’t an option, you spend hours scouring job listings from different sites and perfecting your LinkedIn profile in hopes of the right someone stumbling upon your greatness. You go over your resume with a fine-toothed comb and even send it to a few of your superiors and professors for an honest opinion. When everything is as perfect as you think you can make it, you start sending out the paper version of you to as many job listings as you can, in hopes of getting one of the hundreds you may apply for. It’s like deciding what you want to eat and realizing there’s nothing in the house. You go to the refrigerator with one idea in mind, it’s not there. You go to the pantry with a different idea, it’s not there– return to the refrigerator with lower standards. Not to say that you should lower your standards in life, but for your first job after college, we don’t have the luxury of being so picky. So, here’s to the hunt, and 20 thoughts we have while perusing through the job ads:
1. I can’t tell if my resume is really good, or really bad.
2. This is totally a fake listing… whatever I’ll apply anyway.
3. Oh my god. This is perfect. This is the job for me. If I don’t get this I’ll die.
4. LOL at that salary. Absolutely not.
5. Hmm, that seems like the most boring job I’ve ever heard of… I could do it for $50K though. In goes my resume.
6. I’ve read so many postings, I may be going cross-eyed.
7. Paid relocation to Orlando, Florida? Well just twist my arm….
8. Paid relocation to Madison, Wisconsin? HA, moving on.
9. Requires 2-5 years experience. Hmm. I’ll just win them over with my charm. Hopefully I’m feeling charming that day.
10. “Please submit a video resume.” Ugghhhh. Fine. Just let me just make myself look presentable from the waste up real quick.
11. **Remembers raunchy Facebook post from 3 years ago** Crap. Crap. Must go delete before they realize how immature I’m capable of being.
12. Maybe I should just make my Facebook private.
13. How long have I been sitting here? Must be going on three hours.
14. I feel productive.
15. I’m going to look at apartments I could afford when I get my new job.
16. I’ll have the perfect house, and job. I’ll need a hobby. Maybe a dog.
17. Crap. Back on track. Let’s check out a different site.
18. These are all the same postings as the other site.
19. Oh well, two applications is better than none..
20. I really hope I’m not jobless come graduation. I’ll take anything really. **Prays to the job-giving gods**
Weekly Chronicles of a College Senior 